Faith

“Time keeps on slippin’, slippin’, slippin’
into the future.”–Steve Miller Band

I attended a birthday party recently. Old friends I haven’t seen in almost 15 years.

It was wonderful.

Mingling with the crowd from the “old days.” Having the same ol’ chats like no time had passed. Some of the attendees looked exactly the same as when I had last seen them.

What caught me off guard, was the inquiries. Not the obligatory questions and surface conversations surrounding life: “how’s the family,” “my, how the kids have grown,” “you still like your job?”

But, the inquiries about my writing, book status, blog posts and future novels in the pipeline.

If you’ve been a reader of these installments since the beginning you already understand I have dificulties talking about myself. I’m not a fan of speaking openly about my struggles, my accomplishments, trials and tribulations. Most times chatting about those subjects are restricted to this site.

Even after all this time with 200 + blog posts, three published books/novellas, now a TikTok (booktok) creator, I still have troubles battling Imposter Syndrome.

So, when old friends, whom I also believe are casual readers (maybe snatching up a free download when available) are asking me questions about sequels, release dates, pre-orders and other writing related subjects, and I never initiated the conversation… I become a stumbling bumbling idiot and when I finally get my head out of my ass, I become a rambling moron.

At the end of the birthday event I was asked to sign a first edition copy (what’s now notoriously being called “the flawed copy”), and I’m not sure I can properly describe the feeling after being asked such a thing.

“Of course!!” Was the best I could muster, my face reddened from embarrassment.

Deep, deep down inside there was a nagging little voice screaming at me, “YOU DON’T DESERVE THIS!”

I have to choose not to listen to that voice any longer.

Initially the dream was to become a published author. Indie publishing provides that opportunity… OK… I checked that off the bucket list.

What’s left to do?

Keep creating…

I know my published work is solid and sound. Professionally edited. I know I’m a slow moving fish, in a huge lake surrounded by a dense jungle of science fiction content, but apparently I have a small following who are anticipating my next release, outside the boundaries of friends and family. Even my editor is asking for the next manuscript. I have to continue to believe it’s now more than a collection of stories conjured up from my imagination… its a product at this point. An evolving “thing.”

In order to successfully work with a product, and distribute it, or even share it with others, one has to have faith in it.

I’ve spent a ton of time NOT having faith in my product.

Time to fix that mentality.