Split Personality

My wife laughs at me sometimes. I can’t say I blame her for giggling at my expense.

She’ll come down to my office space (still in construction) and there I am, pacing back and forth, chewing the side of my thumbnail, eyes frozen wide open, muttering, whispering, and having a conversation with a blank, white wall.

“Is everything OK?” She’ll ask from a distance, and approach me slowly.

“Hold on.” I’ll raise my finger, finish the math problem in my mind, and whisper something to the empty space to complete my thoughts.

Then, I’ll look her way, “I have to finish the reservation list and the arrival manifest. Only three more to account for and I have to move some things around. I’m still trying to figure out if the last one is worth three lavenders, or two silvers.”

At that point, she knows exactly what’s happening, and then proceeds to vacate the area and let me “do my thing”. She won’t even bother asking a follow up question. She knows me well enough now to understand the situation at hand, and what I’m dealing with.

I exist in two minds. I occupy this physical form, but I also reside far, far away in someone else’s brain, simultaneously. I know that sounds strange to some, but I also know it resonates with others.

Some time ago (2012), when the “stuff” hit the life fan, and then became a domino effect of hardship and misery, I made an agreement with myself. A sacred vow. My last resort.

Become the antithesis of everything I used to be.

The old way of life has led you here. You MUST become the opposite of everything that has brought you to this point.

Some habits die hard, but I was forced to radically alter my mental chemistry. It was a survival technique. When you hit the proverbial bottom, there’s no where else to go, but up. I had to find a way to climb out of the mess(es) I had created, and there was only one way to complete that task.

I had to fully adopt a new way of thinking.

Over time, a split was formed in my mind. I developed a second brain, and then, I started living in there.

It never became an issue. Never anything serious. Merely a safe coping mechanism. When working with imaginary characters every day, one has to develop multiple personalities.

And each individual character, saved my sanity. I relied on them. I had conversations in my mind with them. We argued, problem solved, debated, fought, laughed, cried, rejoiced… went to battle together.

And since the day of their creation, they’ve been a part of my psyche.

But, there’s one character that stands out above all the rest. She’s been a true challenge. A real tough cookie. She has a mind of her own, hates my suggestions, and ignores me when I ask her to do something important. She always turns left, when I say go right. Sleeps, when I need her awake. She wanders off, and disappears on her own secret agendas and forgets to tell me. I always have to hear about it after the fact. When I know she needs to take a break from the gambling, she plays the tables harder. I ask her to keep her voice down, and she yells and screams. I ask her not to curse, and she tells me to f**k off. When it’s time to ease back on the liquor, she buys a round for everyone in the bar. I can’t count how many times I’ve had to escort her to her quarters so she can sober up or pass out cold.

A real hard-ass. Difficult to control.

So, I stopped trying to control her.

Best decision I ever made.

She’s been attempting daily journal entries during the downtime. Her business is slow for the next couple of weeks, and she’s searching for her own coping mechanisms to make it through the lull. She thought writing about her day might help… Her short journal entries can be found at…
https://www.facebook.com/JereMorang/

Hope to see you there 🙂

Peace.

Thank you for reading and joining me on my journey. Please subscribe in the provided area to receive a notification of new posts by email or feel free to follow me on Twitter @jeremymorang. Please give this a like if you like it, share with others, or leave a comment if you wish. See you at the next one.

The Wild Wild West

“Without our love, our passion, and our labor, we don’t have much of anything.” JSM

When it comes to social media, I enjoy the lurker mentality.

I don’t post much, but boy howdy, I do like to read some threads, opinions, posts, and conversations between others inside the internet realm. Especially first thing in the morning with a strong cup of Joe. I get a glimpse, and a brief sneak-peek into people’s minds. Sometimes I laugh. Sometimes I agree. Sometimes I shake my head in disbelief.

Then, when I’ve had my five minute fill of madness, I log out, and go about my day. Trying to be as productive as I can. Five minutes a day is MORE than enough for me.

It’s becoming the wild wild west out here.

I was told that, during the home purchase process. “It’s like the wild west. The rules are a bit different in this arena. You ready?”

The handkerchiefs wrapping the face is a dead give-away.

I suppose I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.

Strap the holster around the waist, load the chambers, and head out the door.

Everyone has their heels dug in, finger twitching, ready to draw the six-shooters. Clans and colonies are quietly being formed. Homesteading has become the new, “new” normal. Chickens, goats, gardens, fences, canning, food storage.

The past, is becoming the future.

Its becoming more and more obvious to me now.

But… that’s just me.

The projected illusions of choice, no longer hold my attention. What was once popular, and mainstream, trendy, is nothing more than a fleeting thought now. A distant memory.

My love, passion, and labor is what truly defines me; my sole focus in life, in the here and now. If I focus on the illusions, I lose my passions. If I ignore what I love, my laboring suffers. There’s only so much time in one day, and time moves fast.

In order for me to get from point “A” to point “Z”, I have to follow a distinct path. I have to be focused. I have to exercise my passions, and work hard. I have to be myself.

If I’m not myself, then I become someone else. I wish to continue being, “me”.

It took some time to figure out who that “me” is, but I’ve narrowed it down to the facets that truly matter to my universe.

I’m a bit “different” and that’s OK. I have alternate views, out of the box perspectives, and a unique mindset. Philosophies, which sometimes clash with other philosophies, and discussing those philosophies can be tedious. So… I keep my opinions to myself… unless I’m asked something specific.

However…

I believe it’s because of my philosophies, mindset, and ideas, I was able to get to point “L” along my journey. “Z” is still quite a jaunt away, and there’s more laboring to be done, but as long as I maintain my passion level, and continuing to strive for what I love, all will be well.

I’m convinced of it.

Quick update: The companion (free read) story, is now done. The cover art for the companion is ready, and the rest of the weekend will be spent working on formatting and filling in the miscellaneous pages to make it a complete package.

The cover art for the Surrender Game is almost finished. Seeing my main character come to visual life, is a bit surreal.

There’s nothing quite like the experience of watching the imagination, come to fruition.

Thank you for reading and joining me on my journey. Please subscribe in the provided area to receive a notification of new posts by email or feel free to follow me on Twitter @jeremymorang. Please give this a like if you like it, share with others, or leave a comment if you wish. See you at the next one.

The Guardian War Chronicles

The last couple of weeks have been devoted to the completion of a life long dream. Never knowing it was a life long dream, until roughly eight years ago.

Other than a few formalities, and miscellaneous tweaking, I wait for two elements.

Then, I believe I can hit that publish button, and share the novel(s) I wrote.

And what a long strange trip it’s been.

The companion (short) story is in edits, but I have the cover art.

The full length novel is complete, and formatted, but waiting for the cover art.

Little things, and hoops to jump through, and side roads to navigate before all is done, but it’s so close I can literally taste it. At this point, it’s all about perfect timing.

Now, comes the tricky part.

Talking about it.

My editor was chatting casually with me, and said, “… then comes the marketing.”

“What is this ‘marketing’ you speak of?”

Despite the fact this post is my 127th installment, believe it or not, I don’t enjoy talking about myself. Being an introvert, and not an avid social media user, the idea of marketing my work on any platform, seems foreign. As the finish line approaches, however, it’s probably a good idea to mention it from time to time.

The Guardian War Chronicles, is the series name. Volume I–The Surrender Game–is a full length, action packed, adult science fiction novel. From those who have read it thus far, all I hear is positivity and that alone makes my soul smile.

Anyone who knows me, and has followed these installments since the beginning, knows I’m all about the positivity. I feed from it.

The companion story will (hopefully) release the same day. Volume II is ready for edits, and the third book in the series is near completion, rough draft. It’s been a lot of work, but I’ve found it’s been work worth doing. Despite the work, it’s been the most fun I’ve had in years, despite the headaches that accompany the process.

I have an “author Facebook page” which has about a hundred followers. While I wait and tinker with other projects, remodeling the basement, clear-cutting the back yard and other day-to-day operations, I’m using the author page to post character journal entries.

If any readers/subscribers are interested in following along, here is the link to the Facebook page. Just a place for me to have fun. I don’t typically ask for likes, and shares, but I’m hoping folks will continue to join me in this expanded universe I’m creating.

Hope to see you there.

Peace.

Thank you for reading and joining me on my journey. Please subscribe in the provided area to receive a notification of new posts by email or feel free to follow me on Twitter @jeremymorang. Please give this a like if you like it, share with others, or leave a comment if you wish. See you at the next one.

Dream State

“Everywhere I go I see people passing by. They keep staring back at me like some freak in paradise.” –Papa Roach–

 

Sometimes I forget where I am.

Especially in the middle of the night.

The transition from one home, to the current home happened so fast, and was a blur from beginning to end, at times I get lost in the house when I need to go to the bathroom or grab a drink out of the fridge. I still reach for the wall hook for the leash to take my dog out, then, I remember where it is, and turn around to face the opposite wall.

I can’t recall the number of times now I’ve opened the lower cupboard to throw out my trash, and had forgotten the can was elsewhere. I have to stop and laugh at myself each time I drop to my haunches and remove an empty wrapper from my frying pan. We’ve been residing here since July 12th, and I’m still a bit turned around. Like wandering aimlessly in a vivid dream, wondering if it’s real or not.

Talking with Nancy last night, we both had a laugh that despite the fact we’ve landed here, it still feels a little surreal. A dream state. Neither of us have had a chance to really take it in. We don’t give ourselves a moment to close our eyes, breathe deep and say, “wow… we did it. Regardless of how it happened… we did it.”

That’s where I am in this leg of the life journey. Regardless of how it happened; despite the twists and turns, the dead-ends, the illusions, the doubt, the negative energy permeating the ether and poisoning the world, somehow… we pulled it off. Ultimately, that’s what matters. 2020 has been a fantastic year thus far, and if I maintain course and speed, it should get better as the year ends.

And I couldn’t have done it without the team. The tribe. My support. Each individual member of the inner ring had a small role in helping us achieve our goal(s). They may not even know of their importance within the process, but regardless, they had a part to play.

I had to take a risk in my life, and the team was there to back my call, and provide support when it was needed. Without that support… the outcome could’ve been quite different. I’ve never been much of a risk taker. Up until recently I’ve always preferred routine, comfort, easy and “normal”. Complacency. Knowing exactly what the next day will bring.

When we think about taking risks… there’s always a chance we may lose it all.

Can’t have that. Why risk anything on a hunch or an idea? Foolish, foolish, foolish. Snap back to reality.

I’ve found having a team really helps. And over the last few months, my team has expanded. The tribe is growing.

***

When it comes to writing a book, one has to be a little crazy.

At first… we’re all alone, on an island. Trapped inside our heads wondering if escape is possible. Pacing back and forth, talking to ourselves, chewing the side of a fingernail. Shooing away the unnecessary thoughts as if they were a pesky insect. Drawing images, doodles, and writing notations in the sand, then wiping them away and starting over. Staring at shapes, inanimate objects, and clouds, and becoming lost in our minds.

At least, that’s how it was for me. I was all alone on an island in the middle of nowhere, trapped in my imagination.

Writing a novel is a lonely excursion, time consuming, and fully immersive.

But, when we stumble across the right team, who wants nothing more than to hear about the adventures on the lonely island, and then offer help for escape, makes the loneliness, craziness, and hardship worth it. The ones who say, “that’s a great story. Let me help you get it to the end.”

I was terrified to ask for help. I felt a need to try and escape the island alone. By far, my largest hurdle and close to my biggest mistake ever made.

I believe I finally found the team. The “Dream team”.

I had to take a different risk, and now, my tribe is growing. The inner ring is more populated. With a team and a tribe who truly believes in us, anything can be accomplished.

I wrote a companion story about a year ago. A free read to be released on the same day as the debut novel (if the timing is perfect, and I can’t see a reason why it won’t be). The edit for the companion story will be roughly mid-August. It’s a short read compared to the novel, roughly 26,000 words, but takes place in the same universe and highlights familiar characters. I had a ton of fun creating it, but decided it needed an edit before I felt comfortable releasing it to the public. I’m doing some self-edits on it today, and tackling what I can before sending it away to a team member.

I’ll be reconnecting with my artist to see about some simple cover art for the companion, when that moment arrives. So… still a little time before everything is finalized. I can’t wait to do a cover reveal for the novel. I anticipate that moment more than anyone can possibly fathom.

In the meantime, I continue to try and make the new house a home. It’s been hot and humid, so outside work activities have been put on hold. I prefer cooler weather when laboring outdoors.

I’ll continue to keep everyone posted with updates, here, as the finish line approaches.

Enjoy the upcoming week, take care of each other, and keep searching for the passion.

PEACE!!

Thank you for reading and joining me on my journey. Please subscribe in the provided area to receive a notification of new posts by email or feel free to follow me on Twitter @jeremymorang. Please give this a like if you like it, share with others, or leave a comment if you wish. See you at the next one.

 

 

 

 

 

Hell Week

“Voices, a thousand, thousand voices.
Whispering, the time has passed for choices.
Golden days are passing over, yeah.” –Ozzy Osborne

Before Hell Week started, someone asked me, “why do you want to buy a house? It’s so much easier to rent. You have no idea what you’re in for.”

There was only one answer.

Permanence.

Bottom line.

There wasn’t a chance I was ever renting again.

In twenty + years, since becoming a parent, I’ve “occupied” fourteen different residences, not counting one night in the car. One location was only for a week, before tearing up camp like a band of gypsies and traveling elsewhere. Another location, was across the driveway, on the opposite side of a cul de sac.

Picking up a box, walking it out the door, across a yard, and dropping it on another floor one hundred feet away. Back across the yard, grab the mattress, walk across the yard, drop on the floor… repeat. I was quite the spectacle to the surrounding neighbors that day.

Permanence. It was needed.

Getting a sixty day eviction notice at the height of a pandemic, after nine years of occupancy, was one of the best things to have happened to me/us, in years. Hands down. No question.

Before moving on, my apologies to the regular readers, supporters, and subscribers. You are amazing and without you, I wouldn’t be doing these random posts about my life. It’s been a strange couple of months, and I’m now just returning to normalcy, or some semblance of normalcy. More frequent posts are forthcoming. If there’s one thing I was missing over the past month, was writing. When I’m not actively plattering across a keyboard, I feel hollow inside.

I must keep that addiction fed. Especially now… more than ever.

***

Nothing really surprises me anymore.

However, I did manage to surprise myself.

I was given a sixty day time period to make a concrete decision. Two paths to choose from. What occurred during those 60 days, is something I can’t truly describe. Magical. Supernatural. I’m amazed at what I was able to accomplish over a two month period.

It changed me.

In a lot of ways, the cards were dealt in my favor. At one point I was told, “you have someone, or something, looking out for you.” I was afforded certain opportunities that fell into my lap, and managed to network with the right people. I never borrowed a dime from anyone. The seller left behind more tools, work stations, and equipment than I can count. I walked out of closing with a check in my pocket.

And landed in a four bedroom ranch only four miles from my last place.

And… here I will remain.

Having worked in the steel industry for a number of years, I’m quite familiar with the tools and equipment I now have at my disposal, I’ve just never really had a need for them, being a tenant for so long.

I plan to use them to the best of my ability, and if I make a mistake, I’ll start over until its done right. Whatever I may lack in skills or knowledge, I have access to a few good folks who may be able to be of service, or allow me to learn from, if needed. YouTube doesn’t hurt either. I plan to purchase some material over the next couple of weeks to begin construction on my very first office, in the corner of my cavernous basement.

It’ll double as the game room, and lounging area. I’m quite excited. It’ll have a mid-eighties/early 90’s vibe. Maybe a bean bag chair, classic gaming system… ahem… anyway. Super excited.

But, damn it all, what a fight to get here. By far, the most stress I’ve ever endured. A true test of resilience.

At first, I had doubted the entire process.

There’s no way you can pull this off. You don’t have it in you. Stick with the devil you know. There’s a rental close by somewhere.

No. F%$# that action. I’m all done dealing with the devils. I’m all done with the self-doubt. The nay saying. I’m all done pretending I “don’t have what it takes” and I can’t go another day believing something to be impossible.

My first clue, that everything was happening just the way it was supposed to, was a close friend gave me a brand new laptop three days into the eviction. My old laptop was on it’s last leg, and out of the blue, I received the free offer.

The connection with my realtor, is something quite unique. We share similar stories and life events, graduated from high school together, and his mother was one of my teachers.

My lending officer, was good buddies with my old landlord.

The Underwriter only required a handful of items from me.

All the timing was spot on, or ahead of the game. Each and every hurdle was plowed over. The tactics and strategies were fun to navigate.

The home itself checked off all the boxes on the list.

Most of the moving boxes are still sitting in a back room, unopened, but this is a static environment, and we’ll get it all set up… someday. No rush at this point. My wife is out like a light, and unpacking will have to wait. She’s pretty meticulous and I don’t want to screw up her aesthetic vision.

Around day thirty of the packing process, half way through the eviction, I receive the final edits back for my novel. One day after the two year anniversary of it’s first rough draft.

Three weeks of packing, cleaning, stacking and sorting. Working the 40 hours… Then, one week before closing, Hell Week.

Other than the large furniture moved by professionals, I managed to move nine years of stuff, inside a Prius. I was allowed access to the garage to store our stuff safely. The only monkey wrench in the entire thing, was the heat. Oppressive. Literally pushing through a stifling wall of humidity. Breathing hot, wet air, for hours. The sun… brutal. Sweat dripping off the hair and soaking the clothing.

It was the worst week ever. Literally painful. Fighting through my own personal Hell. And it was indeed Hell. All I could do was keep reminding myself with each dragging step, “All this is happening for a reason. Just one more step. Just one more box. Just one more day.”

Four days… in Hell.

Sometimes we have to muscle through our own personal Hell, to find a little slice of Heaven. It’s never a walk in the park. It’s never easy.

I find that the reward can be worth the struggle sometimes. And sometimes… we may just surprise ourselves with what we can achieve.

More information is on the way hopefully sooner than later, but I’m ready to reveal the title to my debut, science fiction novel. It’s been a labor of love over the years, and has absorbed an enormous amount of my energy, but it was energy worth expending. It’s been through its various gambit of edits: developmental, copy, line, and is now complete. I’ve been communicating with an artist for the cover work, and I can’t provide an exact date at this exact moment but, The Truckstop at the Edge of the Universe is coming soon, and I’ve never been more excited. Could be a few weeks? A couple of months. Can’t say for certain. Still some hurdles to plow over, but I can say confidently… soon.

I’ll continue to post updates here, as I have them.

Thank you for reading and joining me on my journey. Please subscribe in the provided area to receive a notification of new posts by email or feel free to follow me on Twitter @jeremymorang. Please give this a like if you like it, share with others, or leave a comment if you wish. See you at the next one.

The Three Rings

 “Every day a new deception. Pick your scene and take direction.
And all in all I search to connect, but I don’t wear a mask, and I have no regrets.”  Shinedown

Often, as of late, I’m asked unexpected questions, and I find myself brought into conversations with which I was not prepared. It’s my own fault.

“Jere, what do you think about “this” situation?”

“I don’t have an opinion on the topic.”

“Well, what about “this?”

“Same answer.”

“Well, you have to have an opinion.”

“Says who?”

My interests and goals don’t allow me a moments rest anymore. I’m moving at a hundred miles an hour now, every second I’m awake. When I do allow an opportunity to step away, slow down, and collect my thoughts, momentarily diverging from the task at hand, I find myself wondering why I’d choose to indulge in something else, that quite frankly has no meaning to my life. Idle time, has become a detriment to my state of mind.

Why are you pretending to enjoy something you no longer enjoy, and be something you’re not?

I have no idea.

Well… get off your ass and do something about it. MOVE!!

This is the way I have to be. If I don’t maintain this mindset, I won’t complete my mission.

“Jere, you’re going to burn out. You’re going to get sick. You need to stop and smell the roses. You need to, you need to, you need to…”

I’ve never felt better in my life.

And one of the reasons I feel so good, is I continue to be myself.

And I’m at peace.

I’ve mapped out a crude timeline which indicates I must undergo a new beginning, roughly every 8 years. Whether it’s a spiritual metamorphosis, an emotional transformation, a specific calamity forcing a new paradigm that radically alters the brain chemistry. A change in perspectives. My own personal evolutionary cycle occurs about 8 or 9 years apart. I won’t bore anyone with the details, but on paper, when I put a ton of thought into it, it “appears” to be this way. Right or wrong, this was my observation.

I’m smack dab right in the middle of a cycle as we speak.

The only way I could muscle through, and adapt to the new beginning(s), was to be who I am right at my core. Never be afraid. Stand up and face it. Take a few punches, turn the cheek, and smile back. Don’t show weakness. Find a solution. Research, research, research, read, read, read. Apply the knowledge and keep learning. Educate myself.

Never stop growing.

Over the last 2 months, I’ve learned some valuable lessons. Lessons which only truly benefit and pertain to me, but I have no qualms sharing. As with everything else I write in here, folks can either take it or leave it.

I created this thing in my mind and I’ve given it the name, “the three rings.”

The inner, smallest ring. The “bullseye” if you will, is my family. Daughters, Nancy, living relatives, sibling, extended family, step-parents. I’ll do anything for them within my God given power. No doubt about it.

The next ring, surrounding the bullseye, is: work, friends, community, priorities. Day to day living.

The third, outer ring, is all static and noise.

I don’t pay attention to the noise. It serves me no purpose. I have to always focus on the bullseye, every second of every day. Literally (and I mean literally) everything I do in my life is centered on my family and that inner ring.

My closest of friends are among that inner ring, and they know who they are.

But, anything outside the second ring… I just–don’t–pay–attention to it. Or, I’m privy to juuuuuust enough to say, “yup, I am aware of what is transpiring.”

“Oh, you have to pay attention. You need to be informed. You have to look at this program, and read this article, listen to what this person is saying, and what this new study suggests, and focus on what this celebrity and politician is Tweeting about. No, don’t follow “that person”. They don’t know anything, look into “this person” instead. You have to know what’s going on.”

Says who?

The lessons I’ve learned recently, is determining what is truly important in my life, and exactly those things I can live without.

Anything outside the first and second ring, projects itself as nothing but loud noise to me.

When we have the ability and determination to block out the noise, it’s possible to find real peace.

I can’t be at peace, among all that racket.

I am happy to announce, to those folks who’re interested and have been sticking by me on the journey, July 18th will be the 2 year anniversary of the day I finished my science fiction novel. I believe it was the second draft at the time. Non-stop work every day since then.

Almost 2 years later, the final stretch of edits are underway. I’m curious if July 18th means… nah. Moving on.

I never been much on marketing myself. It’s an area that feels a bit alien to be honest. Pride has always been a one way street for me. I’m proud of my children. I’m proud of my friends, my wife, my co-workers. But pride in myself has always seemed foreign. I’m just doing what I love to do.

I do take some pride in one idea. I’ve been informed when all is said and done, I may have a novel that Elizabeth Moon and David Weber fans will really enjoy. Just the idea of that seems like an out of body experience. Thinking back to when this adventure first started, I never in a trillion years would have thought I’d be here. Its surreal to the point of pinching my hand to see if its all a dream.

July 2nd I’m hoping to close on my house. Lots of stuff happening.

Just an update on that front.

It won’t be easy, but all in all, a new beginning isn’t all that bad. This phase of my evolutionary process, is one I’m very much looking forward to.

Thank you for reading and joining me on my journey. Please subscribe in the provided area to receive a notification of new posts by email or feel free to follow me on Twitter @jeremymorang. Please give this a like if you like it, share with others, or leave a comment if you wish. See you at the next one.

Rollercoaster

What a whirlwind of a ride. So much has happened over a short amount of time, and that’s the reason for my absence. In a lot of ways, it feels as though a year has gone by in the last three weeks.

Like so many other posts before this one, I’ve often hinted to the idea of, “there’s no such thing as accidents/coincidences.”

Everything happens for a reason.

Some believe this idea to be truth. Others, do not. That’s neither here nor there for the moment, really.

I, for one, (take it or leave it) do not believe in coincidences. And it’s more than fine if you do. It’s all good 🙂

I can only speak from personal experiences… moving on.

I haven’t left my home for more than an hour, since early March. At least 23 hours a day at the ol’ homestead. No big deal. For an introvert, this is a piece of cake. For someone who loves writing, it’s a dream. Before that time, I was never big on large social gatherings to begin with. I have always preferred the small intimate group settings.

Board games. The movie theater with close friends… maybe once a month, if our schedules aligned. Campfire chats in the backyard. I don’t go to bars, or clubs, or sporting events. I’m not big on restaurants and spending a bunch of money on food. I loath the idea of visiting any super store.

Not for me.

To some, I’m quite possibly the most boring person alive.

Then toss in the fact I don’t watch TV, the news, have no clue what the numbers are, or the statistics, or what the celebrities and personalities are saying, or spending any time online sucked into social media arguments.

Not for me.

I will admit to some online gaming on a Saturday morning while scarfing down some waffles and coffee. Zero shame.

I’ve learned some interesting things about myself since early March, but before I get into that, I have to go back to February.

This past winter was a struggle. The house we rent is old, and drafty. A nightmare to heat.

A space heater in the kitchen sitting in an open cupboard to prevent pipes from freezing. Another heater on the second floor near the bedrooms. The furnace running non-stop. Increasing electricity expenses, fuel… etc.

We bleed money in the winter. Add Christmas to the mix and boy howdy…

When February began, I had a casual conversation with my wife. She told me straight up, “I don’t want to spend another winter at this house.”

I agreed. She didn’t even need to explain herself… and we moved forward with our day.

My wife, who just loooooooves to window shop, started looking at rental opportunities online for our area. I never thought I would be in a position in life to ever purchase a home. I’ve always been a decent tenant, and I typically stick to the devils I know.

And not long after that, the idea eventually fizzled away into the ether, and we didn’t speak on it again. Everything returned to the “old normal.”

I should have latched onto that idea like my gut told me to, and ran with it as far as I could and never looked back. I would’ve been able to have been ahead of the event. I see that now. I would have had the advantage of some additional time on my side. Instead of acting on that instinct, I ignored the gut feeling, and got comfortable again.

I’ve taught myself never to be completely comfortable, but on this one, I almost blew it. It was too close for comfort.

The current reasons for the paradigm shift (the events that led to today), are not important. Life for me, is about action and reaction. Acting and reacting. Adapting or quitting. It’s been like that since just out of high school. For twenty-six years, I can say with utmost confidence, I was flying by the seat of my pants upon a wing and a prayer. I had no clue what life had in store. I had no destination. No solid foundation in life, other than always trying to do the best thing I could for my children. And… always questioning if I was actually doing my best.

Can you do better…?

Nope…

I can only do, what I can do, while existing inside my reality. No more, no less.

February of this year was the source of a subtle clue, which I had decided to ignore. The singularity I was blind to. Something was trying to show me what I needed in my life. Not what I wanted in life, but what I needed.

Then, early March happened. The world catastrophe occurred, and Earth changed. Everything changed. Life radically altered.

I adapted to the catastrophe, and continued to do my best within the new reality. Still being the best provider I could be. Never being stressed or afraid. Attempting to be a positive influence to the few around me.

Then a hand delivered notice to quit, at the height of a pandemic.

The reason for the 60 day eviction is not important.

You should have seen this coming.

But what to do? Two months is not an easy feat for relocation, during a world-wide crisis, after almost 9 years of living in the same place. With a dog……….

Adapt or quit.

Organize a plan, then create a plan B… have a plan C just in case, and then execute. Don’t let it beat you.

Don’t let anything beat you.

Initially, while the panic started rising, I was a bit overwhelmed and lost. Blaming external forces out of my control. Pacing. Dredging up anger and looking for a way to express it.

A little dizzy and woozy.

It was a lot to handle.

I then reached out into my community, family, and friends. Those things in life that should be the most important.

Then, as if all these little guardian angels started appearing, I found the assistance I was needing to point me in the right direction. Even from unexpected sources. I was able to then narrow my focus into a pin point. Everything which I deemed unnecessary for my reality, was pushed far to the way side and vanished.

I was in self-preservation mode, but found a way to turn the negative into a positive. I had to continue to somehow project good energy into the world and be myself, regardless of the situation, for those people around me.

Take it on the cheek, smile, and then find a way to fix it. Not be angry with that which I cannot control. What’s the point?

All bruises fade and heal, but they do sting at first. I’ve had my fair share.

If you take away anything from this–please, just do your best to make every–single–negative–a positive. I’m begging you. Even if you think it’s impossible… it can be possible.

I went under contract for a home loan, 8 days after the notice.

I listened to my gut, weighed all possible options, and made a decision to never rent again.

I now had a new possible foundation from which to build. The old foundation was crumbling under my feet and I was watching it happen before my eyes. Be positive, be positive, nothing’s concrete and etched in stone yet. This is just the beginning. Everything is happening for a reason. Be calm. Relax. Utilize the time you have. No–need–to–panic!

Today, I’m waiting for loan approval.

Hoping to close on July 2nd.

At least a third of the house is packed and I have everything timed to specific days of execution. If the plan is altered in any way, I have some contingencies ready. And this time, despite the craziness involved in the process, I welcome it all with open arms.

Once I’m able to unlock that door, and drop the first box on the floor, my reality will change once again.

But my focuses haven’t, and never will. I have specific goals in life and I will continue to pursue those goals.

Once we’re settled into the new “digs”, its time to complete the novel. I’ll have an office space for the first time in my life. Just some editing to finish, and then reconnecting with the artist.

And once I’ve released the book into the wild, that will be two things scratched off my bucket list.

If you ever come to believe that “it can’t be done” or “it’s impossible” those thoughts will manifest into reality. However, you may just surprise yourself if you try. I’m still pinching my hand to see if this is an illusion.

If I can do it, anyone can.

Thank you for reading and joining me on my journey. Please subscribe in the provided area to receive a notification of new posts by email or feel free to follow me on Twitter @jeremymorang. Please give this a like if you like it, share with others, or leave a comment if you wish. See you at the next one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“If” I was a Conspiracy Theorist

“If” I was a conspiracy theorist (good thing I’m not) I would begin my curiosity investigations, starting in China. As far back as I could delve into the available research.

Cause… let’s be serious here… what the hell else are we going to do now-a-days? Some of us are still trapped inside the house with minimal options.

We’re either locked into MSM in a hypnotic state, watching the numbers rise and fall… or we spend time engaging in something else.

I, personally, enjoy the “something else” avenue. That’s the road with the best view for me. The reason its the road with the best view–I’m able to freely explore a plethora of alternate perspectives. I like being different, and thinking differently. I never again want to be a “normie”. I enjoy having a curious mind and giving into that urge to dig into all I can and never be locked into a specific mindset. I’m so far out of the proverbial box now, I don’t remember what my thinking was like before I escaped that cage.

Sure… I’ll play some video games with my daughter now and then when I need a break. I’ll read a book. I’m always writing something. I’ll snuggle up with the missus and watch a movie… we enjoy local road trips to the coast… but when I’m not working, or typing something, I’m typically always in research mode.

I needed some new “entertainment” in my life and for almost seven years, I had found what I was looking for.

I wiped my memories clean with one of those Men in Black memory wiping devices. I had to toss out all my personal biases and leave them at the door to undertake a mission such as this. To take the wise advice of the great sage Yoda and “unlearn all I’ve learned.” To ultimately have a complete understanding of both sides of the fence. I then embedded myself deep into the world of conspiracy theories, and I went inside the mind of a community of individuals I never knew existed, until roughly seven years ago.

Then… the rest of the world vanished.

And there I remained. I was hooked on a new drug. That vastly growing “universe” of people all sharing a different collective consciousness, fascinated me to no foreseeable end at the time.

I’ve been exposed to it all, and I mean… all.

Some topics I studied more than others based exclusively off my personal interests and a desire to learn more. I locked onto one specific fascination in my travels, which then led to something different, and my interests transitioned. And I would remain “there” in wide-eyed research for one year or longer. Then, I moved onto something else. Which led to another place… on and on.

When I couldn’t find what I was looking for on the internet, I asked questions at my local library.

Until that day, I decided to quit.

All done.

My mission was then declared over. I got what I needed. I unsubscribed from all the blogs, YouTube channels, newsletters, spent an afternoon un-liking certain pages on social media and I disconnected myself from all the content creators with which I was once enthralled and deeply invested.

There was a bit of a weening process at first. I had to slowly crawl out of the rabbit hole, but once I was back on the surface, flat on my back staring at the blue sky overhead, I was officially done.

That leg of the journey was over.

And while I was visiting that underground reality, I had an absolute blast. It’s not for everyone, but it was perfect for me.

Some stuff I scoffed at. Other topics raised a curious eyebrow and begged for more attention. Some information was obvious and stood out like a flashing neon light making all the sense in the world. Other stuff was ridiculous and I never gave it a second look.

What captured a lengthy span of my attention however, was the curious correlation between comets and cataclysms. Ancient China occupied a corner of my mind for quite some time. I found it to be a good jump off point.

To quote Li Ch’un Feng, the Director of the Chinese Imperial Astronomical Bureau, in 648 A.D. “Comets are vile stars. Every time they appear in the south, they wipe out the old and establish the new. Fish grow sick, crops fail, Emperors and common people die, and men go to war. The people hate life and don’t even want to speak of it.”

In a series of books written in 600 B.C. called the Mawangdui Silk, comets were recorded as having 30 different “forms” and each “form” typically accompanied an event of some kind. Earthquakes, floods, pandemics/plague, radical changes in weather, aggressive military action(s).

Dating as far back as 1500 B.C: comets were observed, and described, as the harbingers of catastrophe. Doomsayers. Celestial messengers of chaos.

Some might say, those cataclysms would have happened regardless. No possible correlation between the two. Pure happenstance.

Hey, that’s cool. I understand that philosophy.

Most would say a pandemic accompanied with a comet sighting, is merely coincidence. Hey… I get that too. No biggie. Its no longer coincidence, only when it becomes mathematical, or modeled, and predictive.

I (personally) just found it strangely odd that on the day (C)ovid-19 was declared public enemy #1, an astronomer recorded a comet coming out of the Camelopardalis constellation.

Don’t worry, Atlas (the comet’s nickname) isn’t supposed to come anywhere close to us. It was ultimately destined for a sun transition, and was presumed to become the brightest object in the sky upon its approach, but now, its slowly disintegrating. Fizzling out. Supposedly, folks living in Greenwich UK can see it with a decent telescope, or a strong pair of binoculars.

They named the comet (of all the possible names they could dig up) C-19 Y4.

On the day the C-19 pandemic had become an official household name, and the subsequent steps were then implemented thereafter, C-19 has been seen in our night sky. But… the powers that be and their advisers are the first to say, “it’s all a coincidence. Think nothing of it. There is no connection between the two.”

OK Boss. Whatever you say. (wink wink)

“If” I was a conspiracy theorist… I would find that strange. Beyond strange. Beyond coincidence.

It’s probably a good thing I’m not one of them.

And that concludes another random ramble on a Thursday morning from Jere. Be well. Don’t live in fear. Keep an eye on each other, and keep the ones you love close by.

Peace.

Thank you for reading and joining me on my journey. Please subscribe in the provided area to receive a notification of new posts by email or feel free to follow me on Twitter @jeremymorang. Please give this a like if you like it, share with others, or leave a comment if you wish. See you at the next one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Apocalypse is Expensive

“What will you do with your stimulus check?”

I see the question floating around everywhere on social media.

“Support something with the check. When the calamity is all done and over with, eat at your favorite restaurant again.” They may suggest. “Buy stock in a company. Invest in a dying business.”

I have big plans for my check (regardless of the amount), and I’m super excited. Heart’s pounding against my chest just thinking about it.

I’m going to log into my account, click the buttons, then enter the credentials…

… And pay my power bill, cause… boy howdy… lock-down has resulted in every light being on in the house at all times. Washer and dryer running double time. Cooking multiple meals a day, and then washing new piles of dirty dishes. All devices, electronics, TVs, game consoles on for hours, and left on long after the user(s) have fallen asleep. Random lengthy bubble baths to decompress, relax and kill time. My water heater and furnace are always rumbling down in the basement, at crazy hours of the day, and night.

(Looking for ways to be productive while meandering through strange sleeping patterns within the fog of the seemingly non-existent perception of conventional time)

Two teenagers, myself, and my wife, in our little quarantine cage, doing our part to help save the world…

“Treat yourself to something nice with the check,” they’ll say. “When everything is done, and they release us into the wild again, take a fun trip somewhere,” they’ll say.

Nope… its quite possible the whole damn thing will go straight to my power company. Cause if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the last few weeks–preparing for the apocalypse is expensive as all get out.

The moment the schools in my area began their extensive talks about what to do at the onset of this mess, before the random school “workshops” started popping up and the online wildfires erupted left and right, is the moment my Spidey-Sense started tingling, urging me to flip the switch, and I began my isolation process. I started preparing for this lock-down at least a week before it became a real “thing”.

I brought my work equipment home and set up the office space. I told my boss(es), “this is where I’ll be until further notice.”

And here I have remained. I’ve actually lost track of how long its been now. The clock and the calendar mean nothing to me anymore. Trash day is Tuesday… that’s all I need to remember.

I go out and do the essential shopping when necessary. However, my errands and priorities are more expedient now, and completed on very specific times of the day. I have distinct routes inside the stores mapped out, and mastered to a science, averaging roughly 12 minutes of shopping with each visit including check-out.

I won’t shop much of anywhere else, other than a local convenience store which averages two customers inside the building at any one time. You’ll probably never see me step foot inside a super store ever again.

This ongoing experience, thus-far, has taught me some valuable lessons: 1) I’ll do anything I can for my family, and my circle of people. Anything.

I go shopping sometimes and I’m so ultra focused on the needs of the many, I’ll completely forget to purchase for myself. I’m always thinking about them, and I accidentally disregard my own needs or ignore the things I like to buy. To include my dog, and her needs.

I only consume food between noon and five pm, 7 days a week (incremental fasting if you want to call it that), and I try to limit the daily consumption to one meal. I’ve trained myself so one meal can be the fuel I need to get through the day (for the time being). Hunger pains are no more. It was tough at first, and at times I cheat(ed), but eating three meals a day, is now a thing of the past.

I find I have more energy on one meal. I think a little clearer. My head feels less cloudy and scatterbrained. I feel less “heavy” when I move around.

I obviously don’t include coffee with cream and sugar, in my caloric intake. Coffee is the elixir of life and without it’s sweet, sweet ingredients, I can’t function. Coffee is an all day affair. I could easily say coffee is my second and third meal of the day.

2) My brain tells me to ignore my gut, all the time. An ongoing battle. My gut has gotten me this far in the adventure. Its helped me read between the proverbial lines, and during this (down) time, I’ll continue to rely on those gut instincts. They have served me well and have provided a road map to follow in this darkness. If my gut whispers, “Do ‘this’,” while my brain is trying to convince me otherwise, I’ll always be satisfied after listening to my gut. Without question.

3) Living in the “what if” reality teaches me facets of life, I would’ve never considered before. Alternate skills. Different perspectives. Never be completely comfortable. I always hover around the thinking, ‘things may get better. They may remain the same. They could get slightly worse, or much worse. Or slightly better, or much better. Regardless of those potential outcomes… what do you need to do?’

Everything I can.

The ‘what if’ mentality is, and has always been, an anchor for me. A hyper-focused mindset. A second brain activates when the moment demands it, and has been active more often, as of late. It has yet to steer me astray.

4) Unfortunately, living paycheck-to-paycheck, results in an expensive apocalypse preparation. We can only live within our means and while heating fuel and gas has dropped, food and other essentials remain expensive. Oh well. We have to do what we have to do.

I suppose when all is said and done, I’ll have my tribe close by when it all dips south, and that’s all that truly matters. Since goal setting is paramount and essential in times of uncertainty and potential chaos, I’ll continue to try and achieve my goals in life. Learning new skills. Moving forward with alternate perspectives, and unorthodox ideas.

In your future travels, if you see a four door crimson Prius, decked out with armored plating, slotted steel windows, long spikes protruding from the exterior, bulky off-road tires, and a pirate flag sticking out of the top, with my crew hooting and hollering and raising Hell in a barren empty, dust coated field, or doing donuts in the rubble of an abandoned city, you’ll know it was me and my clan roaming the wasteland for supplies and goods.

We’re decent people, so just wave if you want to chat.

Thank you for reading and joining me on my journey. Please subscribe in the provided area to receive a notification of new posts by email or feel free to follow me on Twitter @jeremymorang. Please give this a like if you like it, share with others, or leave a comment if you wish. See you at the next one.

 

 

 

 

The Truth

“In my mind’s eye, there’s only one truth. My perception of truth is mine and mine alone. This fractured staircase you’ve forced me to climb has led my thoughts to one singular conclusion, however, I understand better now, and I’m grateful. The climb was worth it. I see through the illusion. The wizard’s spell no longer has a grip when the mind is clear and the eyes are open so let the sorcerers try and sway us with their tricks, lies, and fabrications. I provide that answer to my long sought after question, ‘what is truth?’

The only truth, is nature doesn’t lie.” JSM

One of the reasons people read this funky little blog, is because I’m outwardly quirky and I advertise that self-proclaimed weirdness, proudly. Makes life fun for me. I’m a little flighty, a bit different, and I partially exist within my imagination but always trying to be honest and decent. Those who know me personally and professionally understand who I am, and what I’m all about, but give me a soapbox or a platform to ramble on randomly, and I could go all over the place. Always having to reel it in and keep it under control. My imagination, and those places my imagination has led me, has aided with life hurdles most folks couldn’t comprehend.

Something I recently wrote this month on a gut instinct, helped a friend and colleague with a personal dilemma. I was a little blown away by the response(s), so after an in-depth discussion with a confidant, and then another friend for a different opinion, digesting that experience and learning from it, something deep inside led me to believe I’m doing OK. I do have something I can contribute to a select few when it’s needed or warranted, and to just keep being myself. Keep working from the gut. The end result of that experience was well worth it. That’s more than enough to keep this thing trucking and to continue my journey onward. In whatever form that takes.

Anyway, one moment, I’m talking about my experiences with Nancy and helping through her issues and personal struggles, tossing in some Joe encounters here and there, and the next installment is a philosophical meandering, or how I began my writing adventures. The next one may be a bit of poetry, or a single thought I’ve been mulling over. Or a short story. Who knows what’s ahead. I couldn’t even tell you right now. Stay tuned, I suppose.

If that’s the stuff you like… welcome to my house, grab a chair, and feel free to subscribe or follow. The subscription area is a bit cluttered but it’s over here somewhere———————————————–>>>>>

(I know, I know, I have to tidy and redo the site. Changes are forthcoming in the future… I’m a little old school, and wouldn’t even know where to begin at this exact moment. I’m not even sure how to properly “tag” for this type of content… sigh)

This, is one of those ramblings.

***

I’ve uncovered over the past few years during this quest, some simple concepts I can abide by and adhere to. Concepts which work for me.

The usual disclaimer: Results may vary person to person.

I’m a simple man, I need a simple plan. Life never needs to be complicated. We make it complicated.

Overtly simple ideas. But that simplicity has helped me reconnect with something missing. Something I needed to adequately function in my day-to-day operations. Something that truly and absolutely made sense to me, as the observer.

I’ve generated condensed philosophies and easily digestible ideas for my own consumption. In order to construct a true solid foundation for my reality, I had to find the right place to begin construction and where to lower the first corner stone. That’s what took the longest.

The starting point.

For me, the only method of gathering my tools and building that beachhead was to generate a handful of personal, basic principals at the get-go. I needed a guidepost initially to follow. A line in the sand I was ready to cross. Something that flashed bright neon colors within the darkness to latch onto, and was clear and concise. Moving forward with the mindset of, “whatever comes my way, I’m ready for it.”

At the time, the available road signs were pointing everywhere: up, down, north, south, east, west. Spinning in circles. Some pointed to brick walls, dark scary tunnels, and dead end roads, and I had to filter them out, and whittle them down to a select few. Then a couple… and then down to one.

It’s that “one” which has led me to, here. And it’s quite simplistic.

Nature doesn’t lie.

Then, the quest changed.

Nature does not lie. It doesn’t have the capability. Only people lie. Why do people lie?

It’s the easiest thing to do. 

Too simple? I don’t believe so, but that’s just me. Take it for what it’s worth.

We all share mass collective “common truths” on a surface level, but the deeper personal truths we ponder and debate are the ones we struggle to find answers for. And always have. The who, what, when, where, how and why conundrums. With a plethora of experts in their respective fields ready and waiting to answer and supply “truth” to the one seeking it.

Those conundrums and paradoxes can drive people to the brink of insanity. Almost put me there once or twice.

So, to find personal sanity, within what is believed to be a confusing and unsatisfying paradigm, we then turn to those whom we deem “trusted sources” for our answers to who, what, when, where, how and why: Scientists, or anyone wearing a white coat with letters after their name. Articles that boast, “NEW STUDY SUGGESTS.” The educated, or those who have run the full gambit of public education. Professors and teachers. Media, celebrities, politicians or elected officials. Social media blogs. Our pastors, and the varying words of the popular holy books. Corporations or those in authoritarian positions. Content creators with hundreds of thousands or millions of followers. Varying textbooks and historical documents. Memorized information passed down by others who had memorized information. Or, those opinions we respect within our immediate circles. Spouses, friends, family, significant others. The groups we join on Facebook who share a common mindset. Our television. Institutions we trust.

When THAT is no longer a viable option, when those answers to the ongoing conundrum questions are STILL not satisfactory, we MUST go elsewhere. Some are content with the provided answers. Go with the flow and make no waves.

For myself, to voluntarily stay bound to that which didn’t make sense was slowly killing me inside. The external chaos from the outside world, the bombardment of conflicting information, only increased the internal madness. The overlapping opinions, views, arguments, debates, visuals, and relentless noise over time amplified the non-nonsensical.

Toss in some fear porn: war, asteroids, alien invasions, pandemics, catastrophes, solar flares, societal collapse, ongoing division… this side, that side, and everything in the middle… mix in some distractions… enough to drive someone crazy. Make someone question everything.

If I have a specific question I’m seeking answers to, and the answers are different from person to person to person to person, web search to web search, agency to agency, friend to friend, country to country, trusted source to trusted source, article to article, textbook to textbook, church to church, scientist to scientist, pro to pro, news outlet to news outlet, celebrity to celebrity… etc… I have to go elsewhere. I must.

But that’s just me. I’m a hunter.

We choose to rely on the provided construct, because the commonly shared reality paradigm is comfortable, and “makes sense” to the individual experiencing their subjective reality, from that digested information provided from their various “trusted” sources.

Then, there’s people like me who scratches their chin, and says, “OK… but, ummm… something doesn’t make sense over here.”

Do I act upon that? And if I do, how far am I willing to go?

Or, do I let it slide and join the others who are merely content with what has been offered for truth…

I act upon it. I go all the way. After I ask the question, I hunt. I can’t help it. It’s a part of who I am.

The answer, “it just is,” is ridiculous to me. And if that makes me crazy… I accept.

I choose to seek the answers to my questions, and I enjoy exploring. I engage with the world, but I also experience it differently. The mainstream answers no longer work for me… and I’m not alone.

Nature doesn’t lie. It can’t, and won’t. I found my footing with that philosophy.

Then everything fell into place, made complete and total sense, and my life has changed as a result.

I rediscovered the power, reality, and truth of nature.

And through that discovery, I realized how disconnected we are from it, and how desperately I needed to plug back into that source.

I don’t believe we’re meant for cubicles, classrooms, and conformity for conformity’s sake. We’re meant to explore, connect, engage, and have a symbiotic relationship with the natural world. We’ve traded out real power and energy, for WiFi and black screen illusions.

But it’s not our fault.

Perhaps if we could reconnect with the energy and purity, heal ourselves, and fix our minds, we’ll better understand what we’ve been missing for most of our existence.

Something honest, and real. Something truthful.

But again… that’s just me.

Thank you for reading and joining me on my journey. Please subscribe in the provided area to receive a notification of new posts by email or feel free to follow me on Twitter @jeremymorang. Please give this a like if you like it, share with others, or leave a comment if you wish. See you at the next one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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