Lucidity

“Once upon a time, long ago, humanity was merged with the mind. Folks gathered and thought, new wisdom sought, for ideas to change mankind. But at the end of the day when the darkness gave way, those ideas were hidden high on a shelf. The mind divided and torn, despairing, forlorn, as life became all about self.” JSM

I believe there’s an innate feeling in each of us to help, assist, or be a helper in some capacity. I believe we want to help others, but something blocks our view and obstructs us from seeing that within ourselves. Sometimes we know it’s there, yet it’s repressed and covered up or ignored altogether.

I think it’s deeply rooted and buried inside. “I want to help. I need to help, yet… there’s something in the way.”

Imposter Syndrome. Who the Hell am I? What do I have to offer? What could I possibly do for them? I’m a nobody…

“Sorry, I’m probably not the right person to be asking for assistance. I wouldn’t be able to help you.”

Whew! Dodged that bullet.

Please don’t ask me. I don’t have the time for this.

“Oh, you want ME to look it over and provide an opinion?… Ummm… I don’t think I’m the guy for the job.” Then we feel down on ourselves, because we could have added our two cents in, feeling confident the advice was sound, but didn’t.

Sometimes it’s just good ‘ol’ plain and simple selfishness.

I’ve done enough today. If I’m going to expend anymore energy… it’s going to be spent on me. I know my estranged friend needs help. She’ll be ok until tomorrow. I wonder what’s new on Instagram?

I hear your subtle cries for help loud and clear but wait a minute. I have to post this comment, and check my emails.

I do it. You do it. We all do it and we all know everyone does it, however, I think it should be the other way around. Because I too am guilty of this, as 2017 looms around the corner, I will be making attempts to radically change that selfish variable within me. 2016 was an epic year on a deeply personal level, even spiritual, and I am determined to make 2017 even better. If I have any resolutions for the upcoming year, it’s not only to do better with my money (I’m stupid with money) but it’s also devoted to the continuance of becoming a better person.

It took a long time for me to realize that when someone asks me for assistance, it’s for a specific reason; despite what the reason might be. Sometimes I’m the last resort. The one picked at the end. The choice when all other choices have been exhausted.

Sometimes I’m the first one asked or chosen to undergo a task. When a family member needs wood cut, split, stacked or brought to the stove to start a good fire? I’m that person asked. When a friend needs help moving, I get a phone call. When my daughter wants something she wrote to be read out loud and help fix some things, it falls in my hands. If I can’t figure it out on my own, Google works well. I’ve been a sounding board to countless folks in my circle. Sometimes simply nothing more than a person to bounce ideas with, or an open ear and mind to discuss the events of life complications.

When I get a text to discuss current affairs, I do my best to help and communicate. When a family member was hurting and walking a narrow ledge, I was the one called to help them climb back down and find safety. When my kid’s friends needed respite and a safe harbor from troublesome realities, I was the one contacted. When crisis reared it’s ugly head, I fought it back tooth and nail to the best of my ability.

I know my purpose(s) in life on this current leg of the journey. I’m not a professional or overly educated in anything, but I won’t ever deny myself what I believe I’m supposed to do; even the trivial. I can’t fathom my destiny, but I understand my role and position in regards to those around me in the here and now. I can only live by my own experiences.

I want to help. I need to help. There’s a part of me that wants to assist others, within my relegated boundaries of mediocre knowledge. But because I have zero expertise in anything (other than science fiction factoids and comic book superhero origin stories), I have always felt like I had nothing to offer. Imposter Syndrome. Who the Hell am I?

I’m a nobody… just a piece of dust in a vast endless universe.

Rising above that mentality will always be a part of me. It’s a never ending daily struggle. I am doing better though, despite the long, winding, confusing path.

It’s my path. I intend to walk it despite the trials and tribulations. I will strive to be a positive beacon and do right by others despite my own ineptitude, struggles, complications faults and ignorance. I will walk this path until it takes me elsewhere. My path through 2016 has been a struggle, but so very rewarding.

Six years ago, the idea of helping others was disturbing to me. Lending a helping hand to anyone in need was a foreign concept.

Help was nowhere to be found, from my point of view, and the boat was sinking fast. All the life vests were gone and the sharks were waiting; circling the debris. On the horizon, a storm of chaos hovered and was on a collision course. No where to go, but down.

Luckily, my path led me to Joe Everett.

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